


Ginger Tea and Meadowsweet

by 0_yngve



Series: Aching Bones, Aching Hearts [7]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Autistic Character, Autistic Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Congenital Disability, Disability, Disabled Character, Disabled Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Transphobia, Post-Canon, Snufkin has father issues, Snufkin monologues for like ten pages, Surprise Date, Tenderness, Trans Male Character, Trans Pregnancy, Trans Snusmumriken | Snufkin, binding, internalized ableism, not really angsty but tagging in case, other characters are mentioned but not present, speculative biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24408286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0_yngve/pseuds/0_yngve
Summary: Snufkin had been distant, he knew, since Moomintroll and him had spoken. He retreated into his thoughts, going back and forth and around and around on every possibility and risk and implication of his decision. He had thought and thought and thought, feeling his fur fall out from the worry. The only times he stopped his thinking was to throw up or sleep, both of which he had been doing more of.Would he keep the baby? Have a child? Become a father?It really came down to how selfish he wanted to be.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Series: Aching Bones, Aching Hearts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688545
Comments: 10
Kudos: 51





	Ginger Tea and Meadowsweet

**Author's Note:**

> Meadowsweet is a small white wildflower used to treat peptic ulcers and heartburn.
> 
> Read part 1 of the Ginger Tea series before this. The rest of Aching Bones, Aching Hearts is optional reading.

Snufkin had been more distant the week, since they found out he was expecting. He needed time to think, he said, to decide. Moomintroll understood; it was a massive decision to make. Snufkin was the type to process information in slow drips, and this was a waterfall.

Moomintroll knew that. He also knew that Snufkin needed this to be kept secret.

Which was fine! Except for the fact that Moomintroll was just about to _burst_ with the news and he needed some-body to talk to. Mamma knew, and so did Little My, but he needed to tell Snorkmaiden. Some-times she was the only person who could get through to him.

But there Snufkin was, leaning in through Moomintroll’s window. 

Moomintroll jumped up. “Snufkin! What are you doing here—you know you’ve been having dizzy spells!”

Snufkin ignored him. “Would you like to come for a walk?” His fingers drummed on the windowsill.

Moomintroll raised his eyebrows. “I—sure. Sounds fun.”

Snufkin smiled, hoping he hid his nerves. He nodded to the outdoors before climbing down the rope ladder. He smiled when he saw Moomintroll follow.

Snufkin had been distant, he knew, since Moomintroll and him had spoken. He retreated into his thoughts, going back and forth and around and around on every possibility and risk and implication of his decision. He had thought and thought and thought, feeling his fur fall out from the worry. The only times he stopped his thinking was to throw up or sleep, both of which he had been doing more of.

Would he keep the baby? Have a child? Become a father?

It really came down to how selfish he wanted to be.

Snufkin’s boots hit the ground.

He had decided.

Last night, he had decided.

But now he had to tell Moomintroll.

But could he say it? Would he be able to admit what he wanted?

Moomintroll landed beside him. Snufkin nodded and waved him along.

Moomintroll had been marvelous, much nicer than Snufkin deserved. He knew the troll would take the news well.

He was just so nervous to tell him.

“Where are we going?” Moomintroll asked from behind.

Snufkin shook his head, shooing his nerves away. It was just a normal day with his love, his dearest friend.

He put on a crooked smile. “Isn’t it more fun to be surprised?”

The two stood on the peak of the Lonely Mountains, pinkies intertwined, laughter in the autumnal air. Snufkin had walked this path dozens of times, but with Moomintroll everything was fresh and new and exciting.

“Do you remember when we stacked those stones?” Moomintroll smiled.

Snufkin nodded. “When was that, ’47?”

“’46.”

“Right.”

“It was the first day of spring after the comet came.”

“That was the year I hibernated with you.” Snufkin grinned.

“It was. And you had woken up first, all excited.” Moomintroll chuckled. “You did a cartwheel.”

Snufkin smirked. “Did I?”

“You did!”

They laughed.

Moomintroll continued. “And you and I woke up Sniff and we climbed up the mountain. You said to pretend as if we were the first creatures who ever did it.”

“And when we got up here, there were no other stone landmarks, so who’s to say that we weren’t?”

Moomintroll gave an exasperated sigh. “And then we found that hat.”

“The Hobgoblin’s hat.” Snufkin nodded.

“The Hobgoblin’s hat.” Moomintroll made a face. “I didn’t care for that ordeal.”

“Careful now, Moomintroll; he might hear you and come flying down on his panther.”

“Well, I dare him to!”

“Moomintroll!” Snufkin chided through his laughter.

“I’m serious! He could have all the magic in the world, but I would outsmart him.”

“Of course.”

“I’m very clever!”

“That you are, Moomintroll.” Snufkin smiled. He sat down on the soft grass. “Even when you’re daft.”

Moomintroll sat beside him. “When am I daft?”

“When you’re not being clever or handsome, you’re busy being daft.”

Snufkin lied down to take the pressure off his lower back. The ache there had been getting worse. He set his hat to the side.

The clouds above him drifted idly by.

Took a deep breath in.

“I’ve been thinking.”

Moomintroll’s eyes were warm. “Often the case.”

Snufkin snorted. “Quiet, you.”

Another breath.

“I’ve been thinking.”

Moomintroll nodded. “You’ve been thinking.”

“I’ve been thinking.” Snufkin’s tail twitched. “About would happen if I—if we went ahead with… all this.”

“People would look at me differently. Mrs. Fillyjonk and the like. Some of my siblings too, in all likelihood.” Snufkin shook his head.

“You lend very little to what Mrs. Fillyjonk thinks.”

Snufkin chuckled. “Quite true.”

He looked at his paws. “I worry it’ll change the way I look at myself. I’ve spent a lot of time working to be okay with how I look, how my body is shaped.” He sighed. “I don’t want to change that.”

The changes to his body that carrying would cause absolutely terrified Snufkin. Gaining weight always made his hips too wide, and his round belly would mean he would get mistaken as a woman every single time. And his chest would swell up—that was the worst. Snufkin couldn’t stand to be seen without his binder by anyone other than Moomintroll, Mamma, and Alicia. But he wouldn’t be able to bind for months on end, bigger than ever.

And that was all only on the surface….

“Have you ever been around an expectant mother? Really been around them?”

Moomintroll furrowed his brow. “Mymblemamma visits sometimes when she’s expecting but she never stays for long.”

“It’s a mess.” Snufkin chuckled. “Nausea and vomiting, and then back and hip pain and heartburn and using the toilet every ten minutes—a lot of that’s how I am on my best days. I’m already a lot sicker these days. I’m sure you’ve noticed.”

Moomintroll pursed his lips.

Snufkin kept talking. “The sickness will pass, though, eventually,” He paused, “but once you go through that process, your body is never the same.” Deep breath. “I might never heal.”

Beside him, Moomintroll lied down. He knew that carrying would make Snufkin worse for wear while it happened, but he never realized that it could cause permanent damage. Snufkin’s health constantly fought against his freedom as it was; with a sicker and more injured body, not to mention a _child_ , Snufkin would….

Moomintroll didn’t want to be responsible for that.

Snufkin’s voice interrupted his thoughts: “And they might come out like me. All,” Snufkin gestured vaguely, “twisted and aching.” He saw Moomintroll out of the corner of his eye, ready to step in and comfort him.

“But… I don’t know how much I should worry about that.”

Snufkin continued. “I mean, there are things I can’t and will never be able to do.”

He thought he saw Moomintroll frown.

“There are mountains I can’t climb and foods I can’t eat and days I can’t move. And I’ve accepted that.” He nodded to himself. “And that doesn’t make the way I live any less valuable. It doesn’t make _me_ less valuable.”

Moomintroll hummed. The troll flicked his tail across Snufkin’s chest.

Snufkin sighed. “I thought it would be cruel, you know.” He hummed. “To make someone live like me. Like a punishment for my carelessness.”

He shook his head.

“I wouldn’t tolerate anyone else saying that.” Snufkin halfway laughed. “Like I was cursed to live in some awful, broken body.”

Moomintroll looked over at him. Snufkin’s eyes kept on the clouds.

“It’s not a curse,” he said simply. “It’s just my life.”

Snufkin could see a small smile in Moomintroll’s eyes. He stroked the furry end of the troll’s tail.

“And I think it’s a fine life I have.”

Moomintroll curled his tail around Snufkin’s paws.

“So I’ve been thinking.”

“I’ve heard.”

Snufkin’s breath was shaky. He stroked Moomintroll’s tail. “And I’m not ready—I’m not. But this is so big—I wouldn’t ever be. There’s never a good time for this. But…” 

Moomintroll’s ear flicked.

“But I’m in a good place right now.” Snufkin picked at the fur in his paws. “My health has been holding steady, and-and your parents are here, and…so are mine.” He sighed, “I have parents and they’re here.” He glanced at the troll, “and we’re good.” His lips couldn’t help but twitch into a small smile.

Snufkin sat up, a quiet grunt escaping him.

He flicked his tail across Moomintroll’s.

The troll’s lips were tight, the way they got when he was stifling a grin. “What are you saying?”

Snufkin met the troll’s blue eyes. He smiled.

Moomintroll’s paws halted. His eyes were wide as porcelain saucers and just as shining.

“Are—are you sure?”

“Pretty sure, yes.”

“You’re not just saying it?”

Snufkin gave a coy smile. “Have you known any mumrik to do something they don’t want to do?”

“I just don’t want to pressure you.”

The mumrik grabbed Moomintroll’s hovering paw, pressed it to his chest.

A great smile split Moomintroll’s face wide open—Snufkin only saw it for a moment, though, as he was immediately ingulfed in fur. Snufkin fell backwards onto the grass, Moomintroll’s arms around him. Snufkin couldn’t help but smile too, a laugh escaping him. Moomintroll nuzzled Snufkin with his big snout, his forehead, his cheeks, his jaw: moomin kisses.

Snufkin returned some kisses of his own.

Moomintroll sunk into him: wood smoke and wild seas and cloves. Snufkin’s paw slid up and rubbed the troll’s silky ears between his fingers. Moomintroll hummed against his lips. His paw wrapped around Snufkin’s waist, making the mumrik laugh.

His laugh was like music.

Moomintroll continued the kiss, fighting the urge to move his paw to Snufkin’s belly.

They were having a baby.

_They were having a baby!_

Moomintroll could barely believe it. He’d wanted it for years but had all but completely given up on it—he never thought Snufkin would want children. As clear as it was that he loved looking after them, Moomintroll knew how much Snufkin valued his freedom, and the troll assumed having a child would be off the table.

And Moomintroll was fine with that! He really was. He loved Snufkin exactly as he was and chose him and chose to love him every day of his life. And if that meant not having a child, Moomintroll would accept that. And he had.

But here they were. Snufkin—brilliant, marvelous Snufkin, who roamed the four corners of the earth, who played the sweetest songs just for him, who smelled of the ocean and tasted of rich coffee—expecting a baby.

_Their baby…._

What would they look like? Would they be a mumrik or a moomin? Or a mix of both? Would they have Snufkin’s auburn hair and brown skin? Moomintroll’s large snout and fur ruff? Walk on their toes or flat on their feet? Sharp teeth or square? Claws or nails? All Moomintroll knew was that the next year and a half couldn’t go by quickly enough.

His fingers twitched, his paw hovering above Snufkin’s belly. He pulled his lips away from the mumrik’s. Snufkin whined at the loss of contact, the silly creature.

“Can—Can I…?” Moomintroll’s eyes flitted between Snufkin’s eyes and his paw.

 _Oh, Moomintroll._ Snufkin’s paw brushed against Moomintroll’s, laced their fingers together, and gently pushed their paws to his belly.

Moomintroll was completely entranced. His eyes shined like the moon. His touch was reverent.

Snufkin laughed. “You know you won’t be able to feel anything for at least another month.”

Moomintroll’s gaze was fixed.

“Probably longer,” Snufkin muttered, “considering I’m not showing yet.”

Moomintroll rubbed his thumb slowly against Snufkin’s coat. “How long do you think they’ll be?”

Snufkin thought. “I don’t know. Anywhere between four and eighteen more months, apparently.”

Snufkin kept watching the clouds.

“It’s almost October now.”

Snufkin’s fingers tensed over Moomintroll’s. “Yeah.”

“They could come in the winter.”

“Yeah.”

Snufkin knew what Moomintroll was going to ask. And he knew what his answer would be.

He just didn’t want to say it.

He wanted this. He wanted a child with Moomintroll; he couldn’t imagine doing it with anyone else. And he had all the support he could possible need. But Snufkin needed to travel, too, and he wouldn’t be able too if with a baby in his belly. He couldn’t do it too late, with an awful clumsiness and even worse back pain than he went through normally, and he couldn’t do it too early, lest he lose them.

That thought terrified him.

And then after the baby came, what then? It would be cruel to leave Moomintroll alone with an infant, forcing all of Moominhouse to stay awake through the winter and care for them when the person who brought them into the world was off gallivanting around the world.

He would have to stay.

He knew he would.

So why was it so hard to say?

“Snufkin?”

He nodded. “I know.”

“It’s for the best.”

“I know.”

Snufkin exhaled slowly. “I want to do this right.”

Moomintroll ran his fingers through Snufkin’s hair.

“I want to be there,” Snufkin said.

He did. He wanted to be there for his child, to give them the best, even if it meant being locked in a house for three years.

He could only tolerate sleeping inside some of the time. He would do this, but how would he be able to?

All Snufkin knew for certain was that he wanted better than what was done for him.

Snufkin rubbed Moomintroll’s elbow, curling the long fur around his finger.

“I don’t have the best example to work from,” Snufkin said. “With fatherhood.”

“Joxter, he…” A deep breath. “He tried.” He chewed his lip. “He didn’t know, and when he did, I pushed him away.”

Moomintroll looked like he was going to speak.

Snufkin cut him off. “I did.” He tugged at his eyebrows. “I had built him and Mymblemamma up to be…neglectful. And cruel. I convinced myself that they didn’t care and that when I was abandoned, it was the best thing they could have done for me.”

He sighed. “But then I met them. And he _hugged_ me.” He squeezed his eyes shut. Opened them. “That’s not someone who left their child in a basket down the river. And then I wasn’t angry at them anymore. But I was still so angry.”

Snufkin paused, needing to string the thoughts floating around in his head into sentences.

He spoke slowly. “I was angry at the world for making it happen. And then my body started hurting more, and I got angrier. And the only way to calm the anger was to pretend they didn’t exist—to push them away and convince myself that I didn’t need them, that I never needed them.”

Moomintroll spoke. “But you did.”

Snufkin nodded. “But I did.”

He let out a sharp breath. “I’m not angry anymore.”

Moomintroll hummed.

“I don’t blame him. He didn’t know. And then I didn’t want him. And he stayed away. I practically forced him to.” Snufkin grimaced. “We talk now, go on hikes, play music together. But there’s a gap between us. Fourteen years of… gap.”

“It’s no-one’s fault,” Snufkin continued, “that we were separated. But it’s not some-thing I would wish on anyone.”

Moomintroll cupped Snufkin’s cheek, stroked his face with his soft, furry fingers. Snufkin pressed a kiss to Moomintroll’s wrist.

“They won’t be alone.” Moomintroll’s voice was gentle, as if him speaking too loudly would hurt the mumrik.

“I know.” Snufkin pursed his lips. “But I don’t want them to be lonely.”

Moomintroll pressed his lips to Snufkin’s forehead.

Snufkin melted into his touch.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! 
> 
> Tumblr @/smooth-goat


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